Thursday, November 20, 2008

Hobnobbing with "The Spouses"

So tonight I went to my first "Ft. Richardson Spouses Club" event. It was a wine tasting and fur show. The furs were gorgeous but way out of my price range and I didn't have but one small taste of fruity merlot because I am nursing and was more interested in the food, lol. While I had a good time I felt out of place. I mean the good thing about the spouses club is it is for all spouses although it really seems like it is mainly upper enlisted and officer wives, which I am pretty used to by now. I didn't know anyone and almost wanted to leave before it ever began but I saw a woman look my way and took my chance. She had a nose ring too. LOL Her name was Debi and she was really nice and talked to me all evening. I still felt like an imposter though. I joined this club to get myself involved in volunteer work again and mingle with people like myself. I want to start doing the things I used to do before I found myself an Army spouse again. The thing is, now that I am a new mom, I feel like a naive child. I feel like I know nothing and am fresh out of high school all over again only with less confidence. Something has happened to the confident person in me. Ever since we moved here and I was ostracized in my husband's last unit because I was friends with someone people didn't like I just feel like people don't like me. Even with my own friends I feel like I have something to prove or have to step back and let them take control. I don't like this feeling, it is not my nature and I just don't know what happened to me. I am way too emotional and take things personally when I shouldn't. I also feel like when I talk to people about things that they think I am trying to compete with them when in reality I am just trying to relate. How did making friends and just being yourself get harder to do when you get older, I thought it was supposed to be easier. It doesn't help that I look like I am in my 20's still either, people treat me like a kid. Granted I am glad I still look younger, I just don't like being treated as if I am unexperienced and naive. Maybe that is why I feel that way a lot of the time,because you become what you allow people to treat you as.

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