Thursday, May 20, 2010

Tough Transition

Moving is hard, sometimes it is very hard. I went from having great friends and all the resources I needed within minutes to no friends and the things I am used to being over an hour and a half away. I want to like it here, the landscape is different and it is a nice little town but it is just too small for me. I feel trapped. Luckily I discovered a MOMS group and have started going to playgroup dates. That has been a life saver. I was getting a horrible case of cabin fever and it was making me a very bitter person. It has gotten to the point where I just want to walk away at times. I know that my son is suffering the most, because I am not giving him my 100% like I should be. I am obsessed with my business and its seemingly horrible failure and put a lot of time into trying to figure out where I am going wrong and working on new ideas hoping it will make a difference. But I really think it is just a diversion from the fact that I am miserable here and feel like it is solely because I am afraid to create a life here when I know I have to pick up and move again to an unknown location in the fall. Since I am already so miserable I have no motivation to really accomplish anything around the house or go through all of the old clothes and toys that I need to sell or give away. I have no real interaction with my husband either because he is wrapped up in his studies for the school he is here for. He is angry about all the stuff I haven't gone through, so that just makes matters worse and he hates that I keep buying supplies or shopping in general which just makes the gap between us even wider. I am so sensitive right now that when a buyer asked me to cancel the sale of an item that sat in my shop for over a year today I about broke down in tears. I seriously considered just giving up and selling off everything. I have tried very hard to make this work. I've changed my shop look, worked on pictures, advertised everywhere I can think of and I just don't seem to be doing as well as my competitors. I know a lot of it has to do with the fact that I was closed for a few months, which just irritates me that I have to close again this fall for another month or two. People say this time of the year is slow, that is true, but one seller I know who had less sales than me before I moved skyrocketed to over 250 sales in just 3 months. She sells similar items. That really hurts. I know I make quality products and I put a lot of time and effort into what I do. I love making my products too but as my bills pile up and I don't make enough to cover them each month I have to stop and wonder if it is worth it. If a person cancels a sale that equals $4.50 total because they didn't mean to confirm the purchase but may buy from me in the future, how am I supposed to deal with the feeling of rejection? That my product wasn't really worth the money to them right now. I feel extremely pathetic. I'm sure my customers don't really want to participate in a pity party, but I am a person with feelings, not a big corporation. I'm a one woman show and I put 100% effort into what I do. All I can do is keep looking forward to when we go to the next place and can settle in for a few years. Maybe then things will get better. Thanks for reading.